she goes to me
these gigs you play, love
all these gigs
for the paying public, right
for many of them, anyway
they provide little more than an excuse
an excuse to enter licensed premises and take liquor
it's the truth
she says
i'm not making this up
and the hours you put in
the late nights sucking your biro
writing and stuff
it looks like work to me
and you're wasting your time
i mean, literally
wasting your time

you know what you want to do?
she says
i've been thinking about this
she had, too
she'd been thinking about it
you could tell
you want to get yourself a length of wood
get yourself a length of wood and some stiff cardboard
make a placard
if members of unison can do it
i'm sure you can do it
make yourself a placard and write on it
in massive letters
and then, right, just stand there for 20 minutes on stage
with your placard
just stand there with your placard
this involves a minimum of effort
and will have exactly the same impact as those songs you do
but exactly
maybe more

the audience will feel able to go to the bar
without the sense of maybe missing something
and/or feeling impolite
you could join them
if you fancied
everyone's a winner
you're working too hard, love
she says
and it shows
i've been thinking about it
she had, too
she'd been thinking about it
you could tell

so do you know what i said to her?
do you know what i said?

after a bit

i didn't say anything
not one word
i mean i thought about writing something on a massive placard
and waving it right in her face
but i didn't
i didn't say


from cold war memorabilia section, released February 7, 2018
music by SPANDEX
words by MAZ


all rights reserved



the little typists Nottingham, UK

music by SPANDEX
words by MAZ

this is the norm
if not the rule

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